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Prevailing Versus Winning

Last Saturday I was in a townie bar watching my wife do her standup comedy routine. I didn’t like the tavern at all. When I went to get a beer the bartender, who seemed overwhelmed by the simplest of orders, gave me $11 in change

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The Title Belt

“Gee this is really fancy,” a parent said to me. “Yeah,” I said, surveying the hangar sized childrens’ museum where we were holding my daughter’s fourth birthday party. “When I was a kid my mom made a cake from the box and we played pin

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Confounding Expectations

A couple of days ago I was watching a TV show called Lucifer. The premise is that Satan, bored of running Hell, decamps to Los Angeles and becomes a consultant for the LAPD. Of course, he’s a scoundrel, speaks with an English accent and runs

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….Have No Name

As social services director for my town, the holidays are my busiest time of year. We hold a Thanksgiving food drive, an “Adopt a Family” program where we anonymously match up client needs’ lists with willing donors and run a toy drive. I start preparing

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The Streets….

Many years ago, I was walking towards the entrance of the urban hospital where I worked and found a tremendous pool of blood on the sidewalk. After I got over the shock of finding such gore I noticed a blood trail and decided to follow

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Tears in the Rain

After sitting for almost three hours in a movie theatre I needed to take a wicked leak. So, while the movie’s credits were still rolling, I gathered up my car keys, an empty gallon sized cup of Diet Coke, my cane and hobbled towards the

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Tumescent

This is my favorite psych ward story….. At the tail end of a long shift, I was sitting in the nurses station when I heard a blood curdling scream. Leaping out of my chair, I raced into the hallway where I found one of the

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Advice for New Fathers

A few days ago, I was talking to a co-worker who was about to become a new grandmother. “When’s the baby due?” I said. “My daughter’s due Sunday,” Leslie said. “But if the baby doesn’t come by then they’re going to induce on Monday.” “How’s

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My Own Private Rapture

I was calling a worker bee at government agency when I got this gem of a voicemail message, “I’m not available to take your call at this time, but if you leave your name, number and a brief message, I will call you back at

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Infinite Monkey Theorem

A few weeks ago I was in the pharmacy picking up a prescription for my wife. Trouble was, the pharmacist wouldn’t give it to me. “Can you spell her name again? he asked, holding a bottle of pills in his hand.  My wife kept her